Your story, my story, our story

Morgaine’s story

I know I am lucky to be able to deal with things that annoy me or make me angry. I know I am lucky because I can see how hard you have to work so that even the smallest of annoyances do not grow and grow and overwhelm you.

Most of us instinctively can dismiss things that irritate us, see them for what they are - just minor irritations.

I realise you are not able to do this. You don’t have that mechanism to sort out what is not really important and so you get angry. Sometimes you just blow up in an instant, lose it completely and kick off big time - usually over a detail. A CD round the wrong way or some of your stuff was moved - not worth all the angst and suffering you put yourself through. Other times I can see the anger quietly, quietly gnawing away inside you like a dog at a bone. I know that it will overcome you and, like a volcano, you will erupt. You have to work through the whole situation over and over until you have worked it all out and all your negative energy is gone. But I know you pay a terrible price for all that anger. Doors are slammed, things broken sometimes, you must hurt yourself, too, at times when you thump and bang and bash in frustration. Worst of all is when you lose friends. Such severe distress when your friend doesn’t play the game the way you thought he would and something very special is destroyed. I find it hard to deal with your angry outbursts but I see how it traps you and has an iron hold on you. I find it hard when you are struggling with anger. I walk on eggshells so as not to annoy you. My heart sinks when I see the tell tale signs that you are sinking under the weight of your angry feelings.

Conrad’s story

I do my best. I keep it in and I hope it will just go away but it never does. Small things are not small to me. I know you find it hard to understand when I react so strongly to things but my normal is different from yours.

I need things to be a certain way. I don’t feel safe if they are not. If things are not the way they should be, how can I be sure other things will not be different? I won’t know what to do then, what to expect. I need things like my computer games to end the way
 I expect them to - everything is wasted if they don’t. I need things to finish in the proper way or I am on edge – I need things to finish.

I hate it when I get angry. I hate it that I can’t stop it getting worse. I hate it when everyone tries to calm me and convince me that everything is alright. “It’s no big deal,” I am told all the time. It is a big deal to me and I need to sort it all out - untangle and unravel all the bits that have lead to my outburst.
 
I do my best but it is not always enough.

Morgaine and Conrad’s story

Let’s all work out how we can manage the things that make us angry. We can accept what makes each of us angry and not try to minimise it or try to convince the other that it is wrong to be angry at a particular thing, however small.

Anger is a feeling and feelings are not right or wrong – they are just feelings. Anger is not a nice feeling so we can try to get to know the things that set off those horrible angry feelings and try to avoid them.

We can help each other by giving each other space and time to let all the angry energy thrash around and tire itself out. We are not going to be afraid of being angry but we are going to focus on being in charge of it and not letting it be in charge of us.