Your story, my story, our story

Morgaine’s story

This was not the way it was supposed to be.

We were all there, the whole family. We were all supposed to enjoy it together and it wasn’t even such a big deal though I realise now maybe it was for me.

I thought we were all prepared and that you were fine with everything that you would be able to be on the sidelines for just a little bit and my needs would be in the spotlight for once. But no, it was not to be and now everything is all spoiled. I am angry, frustrated, upset, bitterly disappointed that everything was wasted but what am I being asked? To be nice, to be understanding, to be patient, to have empathy, not to make a big deal out of it, to move on – all because you can’t help it. Now I feel guilty on top of everything else. Doesn’t everyone know that I am acutely aware that you are the way you are and that I know there is nothing deliberate or mean about the way you behave? I know you don’t mean to spoil things.

I know you can’t help it but I know I am unhappy and I have to move over so your needs are centre stage.

Conrad’s story

I was so unhappy. It was a place I had never been to before, too many unfamiliar people and noises and smells. I couldn’t get comfortable. I couldn’t be relaxed. I started to do my fidgeting thing – I hoped you would see it and know that I needed things to change.

I always end up having a real temper blow out once I start to fidget unless things are sorted for me. I have to say it. I have to say “I am uncomfortable” and then everybody knows things will only get very much worse if they don’t do what I want.

I know how bad that sounds. I see you looking at me. I am afraid you are thinking I am saying that on purpose just to get what I want - to get my own way as I usually do.

It is true I find it hard to cope when you get all the attention. It makes me feel vulnerable, left out and afraid.

It makes me think how much I can’t cope by myself.

Morgaine and Conrad’s story

We worked it out but it was hard as we were all upset. We decided it best to change our plans. We split up and you got to do something you liked with Dad and I got to do something I liked with Mum. Later that day, when we were all calm, we spoke quietly to each other and said we were sorry.

We have decided that next time we are doing something where I am at the centre of attention we will have a Plan B. That way it won’t be so disappointing if things don’t work out the way we want them too because we’ll both have something else to look forward to. We can use the timer on your phone to help you when you are making an effort to settle. It is normal for you to be the centre of attention and I can cope more easily with that now I appreciate that you cannot.