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Your story, my story, our story

Frustration

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Morgaine’s story

I have it. I had it first; I know what I want to do with it. I want to relax with it, take my time to get to know its bits and buttons, to explore it and to learn all by myself how it works. I am enjoying making my own mistakes and having fun playing around with it. Spoiled. Spoiled. All spoiled.

“You’re not doing it right.”
 “Do it that way.”
 “Do it this way.”
 “No, that’s not the way you are supposed to do it.”
Nip, nip, nip in my ear.
I am patient. I am calm. I answer nicely.
“Thank you but it’s fine. I’m just playing about with it.”
But you insist. You are relentless.
“I’ll show you a better way. You press here.”

I try again.
“I’m fine. I just want to do it myself.”
 “But….” you begin and then I blow. Utter rage red and orange consumes me. Explosion of frustration and I scream “You do it yourself then” and hurl it at you.
 I crumble. I could not, try as I might, control my temper and now I have upset you and I feel I have let myself down.

I am exhausted.

I am defeated.

Conrad’s story

I was trying to help. I wanted you to enjoy it more by using it properly. It would have taken you ages to learn and I could show you really quickly what to do and how to get the best out of it.

I don’t understand how helping you could spoil things for you. I don’t understand how making you better at something can waste things for you. It is hard for me to watch when things are not being done the way they should be and I know there is a proper way to do it that is better.

I tried to help and you just kept saying “No, thank you,” nicely. I do not see how that is annoying. I am not good at understanding that you are losing your temper when you speak so nicely to me. It is hard for me to work out how other people feel. I did not see you becoming angry or upset. I cannot feel you becoming angry or upset so I do not know to change the way I am behaving. You gave me a fright when you exploded the way you did.

I do not like it when you are upset but I do not understand why it happens when I am trying to make things easier for you.

I am confused.

I am unhappy too.

Morgaine and Conrad’s story

This is difficult. We are going to have to work hard to help each other sort this one out.

Each of us is so different in the way we approach new things, the way we find out about how something works. One of us has a very organised and controlled approach; the other has just the opposite manner - happy to explore in an unpredictable way. How can we help each other to accept our differences?

Perhaps we could agree on a timeout arrangement? We set an amount of time that we stay separate so neither of us can be upset at the other’s approach. Being separate will also help us to avoid conversations that might become tense and annoying. It will let us both operate in our own comfortable way.

After our agreed period of “by ourselves” time we could get together and share what we know and what we have discovered. Maybe together we will learn tips from each other and share things that we like and enjoy together.

We are able to get on top of this.

We are brother and sister.